Today was Catherine's graduation from High School. For a while now, some folks have been asking me if I was going to cry, after all, my "baby" was graduating. And today was no different. I heard, are you sad? are you going to cry? are you nervous ? (She was giving the salutatory speech)...blah, blah, blah, blah. I sat and pondered for several hours ( I went two hours early to save seats for the rest of the family) about my NOT feeling sad at all. I even began to say things to myself like "maybe you are dead inside".....I spoke with another mom, who said she cried the entire year of her youngest child. I am thinking to myself, "wow, you should have seen a psychologist for that depression, or separation anxiety". Then , she says, she was "crying because she was so happy".
OK, so I get that I guess. I know it is done, I have just never experienced that phenomenon myself. I have cried at happy times, BUT, truth be told, I was not crying because I was so happy...............let me try and explain a little better. Each time, right after each of my babies were born I cried. I was happy, beyond words. Happy they were healthy, happy labor was over. But, the crying was because I was exhausted, emotionally and physically, and hormonally imbalanced!
So, back to the issue. I did not cry. I was and am over joyed with the accomplishments of my daughter Catherine. I am a proud parent. I am so excited for her that the limitations that high school puts on her, are now gone, and that the world is now hers to explore and learn from and I hope, contribute to. I am excited for her to keep setting new goals and finding those rewarding. I am excited for her that she can now go beyond what boundaries this conservative mom, and this small town have had to offer. Oh, do not get me wrong. I think this mom and this town will have served her well in her future. She will always love the open spaces and farmland and corn growing as high as an elephants eye, and the stars on a clear night, and she will always love me. But, I want her to learn to love New England in the fall, Rhode Island in the winter, and New York in the spring time.
I want her to grow to be the adult God intended her to be from the beginning of time. I am anxious to get to meet and know that adult. To laugh and learn from that adult. I want her to find someone who loves her, like my mom and dad love each other. (They will be married 60 years this year). I want her to have and see and do and go every where and anywhere she has ever or will ever dream of going and seeing and doing.
I can not cry with regret, cry with sadness, or cry with happiness. I am only emitting vibes of exuberant anticipation.
I want what Spock wants for her........."to live long and prosper".
Star Treks
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Posted by Jami at 9:32 PM
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2 comments:
Your comments made me cry. I always cry at graduations (including Catherine's) probably because of all the reasons you mentioned that you didn't cry. I just want the best for all these young people, but am not articulate enough to express it as well as you did.
I know Dorothy was so proud of BOTH of the graduates in your family!
I am so jealous of Catherine. I love my life now, but it would be amazing to go back to that station in life and be able to appreciate how endless the possibilities are.
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