Pictures first
When Becky and I left for our trip, Cindy was here and graciously offered to drive us to the airport. Cindy told me that she had some work to do for this lady in town, and she was going to stay at my house an additional night. Little did I know, she stayed here and built me these shelves, custom made and painted, floor to ceiling, for my movies. Words can not describe how much I love my shelves. They are perfect! For the first time ever, I have enough room to organize and find my movies. I have tons of home movies..........I am getting to my point.
Finally having room to organize, I have been going through the old ones, the unlabeled ones, etc..........so, I have also found home movies, made on the old super 8 MM, silent movies, that I had put on VHS.........I found the movies of Jennifer's birth and homecoming, and Jessica's and Catherine's.
I am systematically copying these VHS tapes on to DVD's. This is a bittersweet process. I can not watch these films without seeing my family, my life, and myself as it was...........I don't mean the youth..........I mean the family. Husband, wife, father, daughter(s), in-laws, aunt, uncles, cousins..........lots of extended family on the Waldrop side, and for me, they are all gone, the relationships and the family gatherings, and holidays. ........so I wonder, is this what it is like to lose a close family member to death? Is there always mourning, even with the fond memories? I can't help but smile when I see my babies, just born, me holding and cradling them, even on the delivery table. The babies crawling and then walking for the first time..........and through all of this, he is there.............the one man who broke my heart, crushed my spirit, and took away the dreams we had together, and in my opinion, single handedly, destroyed our family.
It was a long time ago, and it seems like several life times. I can honestly say I am happy with my life and I think my girls are remarkable, considering it seems I did everything I could to screw them up.
Funny how a wonderful surprise of perfect shelves opens up an overload of emotions.
3 comments:
Well darn, Jami--I really only meant to build you some storage. If I thought tearing them down would make a difference, I'd do it. It's just weird how life shows up at odd times, isn't it?
Love,
Rex
Ah, the bitter sweet feelings you get when rewinding and reviewing your life! Seeing old pictures and home movies that include the person who broke your heart, shattered your dreams and ended a part of your life congers up the old desires to hurt, maim and kill - I understand those feelings. And yes, it's like a death in the family. But your history is what makes you the person you are today - a very loving, thoughtful and caring mother, daughter, grandmother and friend - not to mention cousin! (I would truly love to have a copy of that video we watched last year at your moms. hint, hint :o) ) Katy
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